Thursday, August 25th, 2005
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4:10 pm - The Break!
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You sat me down to listen to the words you had to say
I felt the tears swell inside but I just shut them all away
Could you ever love me again I say
you just look down and look away
nothing left to say.....
So now I am left so depressed
I can't stop being such a mess
I stare at the phone waiting for you to call
Do I even cross your mind at all
I thought if I gave you space
you may come running back this way
But its been so lonly and long
I keep rewinding that same damn song
So now I am left so depressed
I can't stop being such a mess
I stare at the phone waiting for you to call
Do I even cross your mind at all
So now I give myself over and over again
Searching for a lover in a friend
But its the same old story that never ends
Laughing through the tears I play prentend
So now I am left so depressed
I can't stop being such a mess
I stare at the phone waiting for you to call
Do I even cross your mind at all
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Tuesday, May 24th, 2005
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7:53 pm
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I see myself .... such and odd stranger
your eyes are so cold and your whipsers burn me inside.
Staring at the reflections of who I once was and where I once stood
I can feel myself fade deep inside my own mind....
Falling forever the weightlessness of it all....
I feel trapped by a world I never wanted to know
I can hear my voice calling me back to the innocence I once knew
How can I ignore the tears and screams pulling my heart down
the sickeness of it all
I try to shut my eyes as if to close the doorways forever
the glimps of it all wrenching in my mouth like poison
the sting of decaying honey dripping from all there lying lips
I find myself drifting twards the storm....
chaotic the screams in my head.....
Why have you left me to fend the battles on my own?
Where are you to take me in your arms ... I was your child ?
the cuts still bleeding from there strapps...
Couldn't you hear me calling
didn't you care I was screaming?
My hands are weak from fighting
My eyes burn from all the tears
Was I nothing have I ever been anything at all
Too odd to be pure and to pure to be odd
Some burden born like a wretched disease
Have I infected your life
Have I distraced your voice
could you ever love me
Could you ever want me
Could you ever forgive
the mistake I have made
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Friday, November 19th, 2004
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4:18 am - I see her face
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and I see her laughter and glares and I remember my words to live by when it comes to her
I could be mean, I could be angry
you know i could be just like you
I could be fake, I could be stupid
you know i could be just like you
I could be cold, I could be ruthless
you know i could be just like you
I could be weak, I could be senseless
you know i could be just like you
I could be mean, i could be angry
you know i could be just like you
On my own, cause I can't take livin' with you
I'm alone, So I won't turn out like you want me to
You thought you were standing beside me
you were only in my way
you're wrong if you think that i'll be just like you
and yes that is taken from one of my new favorite songs
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Sunday, September 12th, 2004
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2:36 pm - And I
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I finally opened my eyes
I finally can see through all my lies
took so long to look in the mirror
took so long to admit to all my fears
And I
lay awake in my bed
I look through all the memories I shed
And I
Don't want to be
All alone with in me
You took all the pain I had to give
you took all the shit I had lived
you took all the tainted turns
you took all I could never learn
you extended your heart out to me
All I did was bite the hand that feeds
And I
lay awake in my bed
I look through all the memories I shed
And I
Don't want to be
All alone with in me
I painted my eyes black just not to see
afraid of what is staring back at me
didn't want to stop pretending
This was all I could ever need
I gave it all away
the life I had with you
Just so I could say
I had no one I belongd to
Now I lost in vein
the one I had to come home to
And I
lay awake in my bed
I look through all the memories I shed
And I
Don't want to be
All alone with in me
lost knowing what I missed
lost lingering in my poisoned kiss
wish I could take back
they way I made you feel like this
you used to taste so clean
now your nothing more
than a frozen dream
And I
lay awake in my bed
I look through all the memories I shed
And I
Don't want to be
All alone with in me
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Monday, May 31st, 2004
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8:02 pm
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you set my body a fire
an infernal of sins
this eternal flame that burns
with desires of your name
you've brokan down my will
And all I am has frozen still
now I wait till you come for me
and feel me trembling all for you
my body to embrace
and hold with softness and grace
with my heart to ensure
with my history so insecure
just feel me and kiss me
my everything I'm willing
to give into you
whispers in the night
I stare and cry
into my own lonly eyes
afraid of your good byes
just feel me
trembling before you
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7:37 pm
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Why you had to go alone
is something I can't learn to understand
Why you still haunt my dreams
and I can feel the darkness linger in my screams
My tears remain with me help less on the floor
and I can't deny the pain anymore
Will my dreams every be empty
with your arms free of me
I hold back the anger of what I've been through
And I scream as I blame you
Still none of this self abuse will get me through
and I live so numb and empty for you
will you ever know what its like
to say your sorry for the past
my love is vengeance for the pain
and I promised to stay if you'd go away
the power and the rush
my dignity you had to crush
and the rage with in
Denial of our own sins
Fear the mirrors of your true face
the simplest things you can't replace
my blood on your hands won't just wash away
and your betrayal echo all the sounds
of all the secrets yet to be found.
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5:21 pm - kisses to E
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5:02 pm - memories of heart ache
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SHAKESPEAR'S SISTER
STAY - 22/02/1992
8 weeks at #1 - 16 weeks on chart
If this world is wearing thin
And you're thinking of escape
I'll go anywhere with you
Just wrap me up in chains
But if you try to go alone
Don't think I'll understand
Stay with me
Stay with me
In the silence of your room
In the darkness of your dreams
You must only think of me
There can be no in between
When your pride is on the floor
I'll make you beg for more
Stay with me
Stay with me
You'd better hope and pray
That you make it safe
Back to your own world
You'd better hope and pray
That you'll wake one day
In your own world
Coz when you sleep at night
They don't hear your cries
In your own world
Only time will tell
If you can break the spell
Back in your own world
Stay with me
Stay with me
Stay, stay with me
Stay, stay, stay, stay, stay
Stay with me
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Sunday, May 9th, 2004
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9:57 am - I woke up thinking of you
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and then I had to run and listen to this
You Bring The Freak Out
by Jermaine Dupri
[chorus][kandi]
you make me talk nasty nasty to ya
dream about how i wanna do ya
think things to think about you bring it out
you show me how to use my tongue
you just so yum yum tasty tasy
and when you take me and take me you bring the freak out in me
[da brat]
i'm freaky freaky
gimme head head
i wanna see how you get down, go down, go down and get fed
come 'n get some tasty tasy
lick each 'n every individual part and make me, make me
come come a chameleon
see a different position to do something different to the yum yum
jump jump on top of the kitchen cabinet
so you can stick it 'n pump pump
miss harris waiting for whatever i feel like having
save you some embrassment
i'm an aries 'n i ain't scared of shit
dare to flinch then 'n there i'll make your chest hairs lift
[chorus]
[jermaine]
Only you do ah, ah
think about this n try try
to kiss all the places
missed by the basic lovin' up your guy-ah
ride in the park in the broad daylight
real hard like we the only ones around
back of the car, tearing u apart
'n this how shit be goin' down
when i pump you say harder harder
love it when i bring my camcorder
whipped cream, take everything
even when we first got started started
from the bedroom to the dancefloor
to a slow tune up against the door
to the up 'n down, to the in 'n out
to the way you sound
[chorus]
[kandi] (jermainei)
are you gonna fuck me?
(you think i'm not?)
come on baby
(i'm cumin)
lets fuck
(i love it when you talk like that)
yeh yeh whatever, go down there
(show me how to use my tongue)
i want you to put your tongue right here
(talk to me!)
right there on there yeh
[da brat]
i'm a superfreak i do what you need
i'm a slave for you, stay craving you
i'm available, i'm unfadable
and i'm capable to disable you
i break you down, blow out your pipe
turn out your lights and leave your wife
lay me down on my back but don't let my timberlands clap
hit it up like its wimbeldon
don't spare a racquet 'cause brat freaky like that
just once taste of the nipple
and two kisses will leave you crippled
you done fell in love with shantizzle
and i'ma keep you fiending for mizzo
the 6-0 six-fo bizzo
got one of the freakiest hizzo's
[Chorus] x2
current mood:  horny
current music: hmmm....my song about E~Bear
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Tuesday, April 6th, 2004
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1:49 pm - Again
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Just a little medicated again
while you tie me to the fucking bed again
stick your needles in my brain again
you deny my screams again
while you lie through fucking teethe again
Holding me down again
numbing the sounds again
I lie awake watching the walls again
I tried to escape from it all again
I taste my blood on my teethe again
I feel the sting of your fist again
and I feel so numb again
I can's stop it all again
over and over again
Just a little medicated again
while you tie me to the fucking bed again
stick your needles in my brain again
Just to be your precious something again
just so you can say I'm normal again
Just so you can wash away the stains again
you deny my screams again
while you lie through fucking teethe again
Holding me down again
numbing the sounds again
Your hands are in my hair again
you face in my dreams again
I taste you in my tears again
I'm curled up in my corner again
and I feel so numb again
I can's stop it all again
over and over again
Dedicated to Casey
current mood:  blank
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Monday, April 5th, 2004
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2:23 pm - it means something
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I like your pants around your feet
I like the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease
And I love the places that we go
And I love the people that you know
And I love the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I love the powder on your nose
Ooooh
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
I like the freckles on your chest
And I like the way you like me best
And I like the way you're not impressed,
While you put me to the test
I like the wine stains on your dress
And I love the way you pass the check
And I love the good times that you wreck
And I love your lack of self respect
While you're passed out on the deck
I love my hands around your neck
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
I love your pants around your feet
And I love the dirt that's on your knees
And I like the way you still say please
While you're looking up at me
You're like my favourite damn disease
And I hate the places that we go
And I hate the people that you know
And I hate the way you can't say no
Too many long lines in a row
I hate the powder on your nose
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
And now I know who you are
It wasn't that hard
Just to figure you out
nickleback___figured you out
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Tuesday, February 10th, 2004
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2:59 pm - Smirk
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Thursday, December 25th, 2003
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2:59 am - wow
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2:49 am - it's a girl
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2:09 am - Dreams and seduction
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So there I was standing against the wall when I saw him staring strait at me
I could feel his stare burn me deep inside
And when he walked up to me I could have died
He looked me in the eyes and brushed his hand down my cheek
There were no words just his silent stare
Hypnotizing me
I could feel my body overwhelmed with desire
He so slightly touched my lips with his fingers
My body shivered with want with desire
He leaned in and let his breath run down my neck
His mouth warm and soft as his hands slowly moved down my sides
There a perfect stranger was seducing me
My head was spinning out of control
I knew I should have been telling him no
This was not me this was not right
It was like nothing around me even existed anymore
The bar grew quite in my mind
I didn't even seem to care if anyone saw what was happening
He then took my hand and pulled me towards the door
I was not out in the cold airs night with this strange man
Why wasn't I stopping him?
Where were we going and why was I following him.
I hadn't even heard him speak
Some how I didn't even seem to care
All my sensibility had vanished
I found myself next in a park that was located not to far away from the bar.
He just turned and stared in my eyes once again
His stare it was like a drug
Numbing every fiber in me to resist him
I could feel my mouth start to moisten
My lips slightly parting as I sighed
He was once again caressing my face and my lips with his fingers
Then he leaned down and slightly whispered in my ear
" Do you want me to let you go? Do you want me to stop this? You can stop this if you like." I couldn't even speak. I could feel my leggs starting to weaken. Then he slowly moved around me.
Standing behind me now caressing my shoulders. He moved my hair and softly kissed my neck. Once again whispering those words in my ear. Then he said " my name I will give you if you ask but it is not your name I desire. Your name is not what draws me to you." His voice was soft and sweet yet commanding in one. It was not like those voices that are both sweet and week or strong and bastardly. It was perfect and he was perfect.
Was I drunk did someone slip me something.
He was still kissing my neck when I could feel his teeth. He slightly bit just enough to inflict a desirable amount of pain. Then he spun me around and pulled me into him. He kissed me and I almost fell. I could instantly feel my want for him. I have never wanted and desired till now.
All I could feel was he around me and I was willing to just enjoy myself.
He pulled me to the ground with him and slowly kissed down my neck. I could feel his weight on me giving me the warmth I needed in the cold night.
I felt so secure and that I could do anything at that moment.
Could some one really already have you on the verge of Cumming just by whispering in your ear?
I had never felt this and I wanted more.
I closed my eyes just enjoying his mouth upon my stomach and then down to my hip.
Still warming me with his breath body and caress.
It was as if he knew my body already. He slowly ran his tongue across my stomach and onto my hip and then grabbed my thighs and gave them a slight squeeze as he pushed them apart. His mouth was teasing me as he was kissing and licking yet never really touching my center.
I need this I needed someone to be slow and passionate yet in control like this.
I need someone who wouldn't let me pull away who wouldn't let me stop my self from feeling the pleasure fully. I could feel my whole body trembling and I couldn't control it. I wanted to sit strait up and pull myself away but he held me there clenching my thighs holding them apart even when I tried to close them
I didn't even know his name and I didn't care. How could this stranger be able to fulfill my sexual desires when no man I have ever been with could ever come close? I opened my eyes to stare at his face and then............
Well then I realized I was awake. I was almost sad knowing that it wasn't real.
current mood:  crushed
current music: crucify----Tori Amos
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Tuesday, December 23rd, 2003
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5:56 am - Someday
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Someday Someday
maybe my clouds can disappear
Someday Someday
maybe through this storm I will ride
Someday Someday
maybe we will have no need for goodbyes
Someday Someday
I will be able to dry my eyes
And those winds how they blow
and those storms how they grow
and those tides how they role
and those eyes how they burn the soul
Someday Someday
maybe my clouds can disappear
Someday Someday
maybe through this storm I will ride
Someday Someday
maybe we will have no need for goodbyes
Someday Someday
I will be able to dry my eyes
and all those dreams burned up in smoke
and all those lies how well they spoke
and all those wounds how they bleed
and all those whispers how they screamed
Someday Someday
maybe my clouds can disappear
Someday Someday
maybe through this storm I will ride
Someday Someday
maybe we will have no need for goodbyes
Someday Someday
I will be able to dry my eyes
you know nothing comes close to you
You know nothing ever felt so true
You know nothing was left we could do
You know nothing felt so blue
Someday Someday
maybe my clouds can disappear
Someday someday
maybe through this storm I will ride
Someday Someday
maybe we will have no need for goodbyes
Someday Someday
I will be able to dry my eyes
Here oh we could of tried
here oh our love didn't die
here oh the need is still alive
here oh twisting deep inside
Someday Someday
maybe my clouds can disappear
Someday someday
maybe through this storm I will ride
Someday Someday
maybe we will have no need for goodbyes
Someday Someday
I will be able to dry my eyes
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5:20 am - time
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Sometimes I look back and remember your face
Sometimes I wonder how we came to such a place
your laughter stolen and replaced
Such anger taken much higher stakes
Your secrets surfaced from deep inside
your pain forced to become mine
confusion of the future and love denied
silent tears I couldn't of cried
Your listening to the words I say
Staring at me to see if I'm okay
wishing for a chance to make me stay
listening to storms so gray
watching our love decay
quickly like all those pictures fade
Denial and fingers point to betrayal
lies threats abusive love defiled
the truth burns in the eyes of a child
Confusion of the way we pretend
secrets I learned to shed
Whispers of tears I sent
no one knows what time could mend
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(comment on this)
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Monday, December 15th, 2003
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3:12 am - dreams just dreams
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I close my eyes
and think of they way you last touched me.
Longing for your hands
to press against my stomach
and your lips
to kiss my temple
and your breath
To warm my neck.
Your touch soft and slow
Tracing my face and teasing my senses
Your whispers taunt my body as I try to hold back
Try to resist any form of pleasure
Still you do not let me hold back
Your mouth moist against mine
And your breath upon me
I can feel your weight upon me
I can taste you on my lips
Your grasp on my wrist holding me still
Not allowing me to pull away
Your body warming mine
As I shiver form the nights air
To touch me
To please me
Is all you ask
Still I try and resist you
My heart beating just from your kiss
I want to dream of you some more
I want to long for your kiss some more
Seduction is such a wonderful craving
current mood:  curious
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Thursday, December 11th, 2003
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7:49 am - touch me
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the way you always do , embrace me the way you always do . I want to feel my breath pushed out with the gasp and sigh you create from your soft caress. I want to feel my body shiver from your breath I want to feel your weight on me as I lay warm and covered by you
can you touch me as if it was the first and last time all at once
will you touch me as if my desire is burning with yours like water quenching your thirst.
can you , will you ........
was it just a whisper , a secret, a dream
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Tuesday, November 25th, 2003
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4:15 pm - ( I hate ) Everythign about you
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everytime we lie awake
after every hit we take
every feeling that i get
but i haven't missed you yet
every room-mate kept awake
by every sigh and scream we make
all the feelings that i get
but i still don't miss you yet
only when i stop to think about it
i hate everything about you
why do i love you
i hate everything about you
why do i love you
everytime we lie awake
after every hit we take
every feeling that i get
but i haven't missed you yet
only when i stop to think about it
i hate everything about you
why do i love you
i hate everything about you
why do i love you
only when i stop to think about you,
i know
only when you stop to think about me,
do you know
i hate everything about you
why do i love you
you hate everything about me
why do you love me
i hate
you hate
i hate
you love me
i hate everything about you
why do i love you
By Three Days Grace
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